Tim Cusack's Blog
A few thoughts from Tim

TEXT and EMAIL vs. TONE and SOUL

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Just like keeping a favorite letter, sometimes I keep a favorite voice mail just to hear it a few more times. I’m listening to the words, but more importantly, my soul hears the tone, the emotional inflection behind those words. For me there’s no match when it comes to voice versus text or email.

I know. I get it. Sometimes it’s easier, faster and more efficient to communicate by sending a text or an email. Remember, however, your text email – the printed type – is the same from your phone or computer keypad as everyone else in the world. There’s nothing unique about it – just typed words.

Communication experts claim that when people are face to face, the queues of reading another person are 55% body language, 35% tone of voice, and only 10% the words we say. If this is true, that helps me make sense of why I feel so empty after communicating with people (friends) over time by just a text or email. I’m missing out on 90% of what’s really being communicated. Intonations and vocalization add content and meaning. I need the tone! If I get a real voice then I’m at 45% chance of reading the other person correctly. I guess I would love to see the body as well. That’s another discussion about Skype.

The second I hear your voice, it carries with it parts of the soul. I’m just asking for the voice, the tone over a text or email. I feel like I’m missing out on the opportunity to care for someone who needs to be listened to; who has the need to get out some pain, worry, anxiety; or, they may want to celebrate good news. Whatever it is, by just writing it, it will never by heard out loud.

I received a lovely email the other day. It basically communicated to me that I had helped enhance a company’s project. The employees loved what I had done for them. This email was completely unexpected. I felt appreciated as I read the feedback. But I still wondered, what if she had called? What would it have been like to hear her say these same words? So, I called her back and left a voice mail, thanking her for the email. My tone was sincere, appreciative. I was honored to be working for them. I could not email or text what I communicated by my tone. I also know, she will be hearing my voice. The voice that can only come from you, the voice that is as unique as every snowflake, as every soul.

Coming Soon: More evidence on using voice over text and email.

The Healing Fields

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9-11 Flags of Remembrance at the Healing Fields

This photo shows just a few of the over 3000 flags that covered close to five acres of land on a hillside at Cannonsburg Ski Area just 15 minutes outside of Grand Rapids, MI. This memorial is made possible by the Colonial Flag Foundation (www.healingfields.org). Each flag represents a person who died on 9-11. A laminated three-by-five card was attached to each flag pole with the name, occupation and a memory by a family member.

I understand there were a number of these “Healing Fields” installations around the country on this ten-year anniversary of 9-11. For me, there was something different about this memorial that caught my emotional, nervous system off guard. I’ve been to all the memorials in Washington D.C., Arlington National Cemetery, Vietnam Memorial, etc. All of which are emotional in their own way. In these memorials, it’s not unexpected that people could be killed. It’s war. Someone is actively trying to kill you.

What struck me about “The Healing Fields” was the fact that unlike all the war memorials, this memorial is not about a war. These people, innocently, all got up that morning; got on planes; went to work; had a meeting – and were killed so unexpectedly all around the same time of day; all for the same reason – to create fear and to create terror in all of our hears and minds.

As I stood looking at these flags, which stood approximately seven feet tall, something about the symbolism made me think of each one of those people standing there in person on the side of this hill – young children, older people, business men and women, fire fighters, police officers, all races, religions – all completely innocent people, “one flag, one life.”

The “Healing Fields” brought up a feeling of survivor’s guilt around 9-11 that I had never felt before. I didn’t know anyone personally who had died, but I do know what it’s like to lose someone you love so unexpectedly. Maybe it’s just too much emotionally to comprehend. Maybe all I need to understand from this memorial is that it’s so very sad. And, to feel sadness is a part of healing.

3.1 Miles – The Furthest He’s Ever Walked

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Tim Cusack befriending Grant Forrester

When Grant Forrester was fifteen months old, he was riding in the back seat of his parents’ car strapped into his car seat – they believed that’s what saved his life. During the car crash, Grant was ejected from the car. His scull was crushed with spinal damage, and at that moment he became at quadriplegic.

Now, this past July 14th, 2011 at age 25, Grant walked the furthest distance of his life. He participated in the Traverse City, MI National Cherry Festival 5k. He walked 3.1 miles in 3 hours 57 minutes, aided by a device called a gate walker, his mother, girl friend, and physical therapist, as well as a bunch of friends – all the people he loved. This walk didn’t just happen…he trained for this event. In addition to this incredible accomplishment, Grant lost over 40lbs while training for his 5k goal.

I met Grant at the Grand Traverse Resort in Michigan this August. I was speaking at the kick-off of the Traverse Bay Area Intermediate School District for the 2011-2012 school year. I spoke to this same crazy, fun loving, group of educators about six years ago, so I had a little idea of what I was getting into.

Everything changed when the ISD decided to honor Grand Forrester for his accomplishment at this year’s kick-off. Just before I was to speak, they showed a video of his 5K walk with music in the back ground, and the level of emotions rocketed. The video ended with Grant wheeling into the room to a standing ovation and lots of tears. The Superintendent, Mike Hills, said a few words about Grant, honored him with a plaque, and then introduced me. I immediately thanked Grant for wrecking my show, and all he had to do was just show up! He thought that was pretty funny.

I talked with Grant after my program and asked him what he would want me to pass on to others. He said, “Don’t use the words “I can’t” or “I can,” just say, “I will.”

So, I will tell others of his story. I will keep in mind that lots of people have difficulty living life every day, yet they persevere every day. My soul is drawn to stories of people like Grant Forester who remind me…..I need to say “I will.”

Make Your Mark on the World

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“Make your Mark on the World!” That’s one of the slogans from GenerationOn, an organization that supports youth who want to make a difference in the world. With headquarters in New York City, GenerationOn is all about supporting young people to experience hands on services in their communities, schools, community organizations, and parent groups.

The August 14, 2011 issue of Parade Magazine highlighted thirteen teens, part of GenerationOn, that have illustrated a few of the amazing accomplishments the youth of America are capable of. Here are just a few examples of what these awesome youth have executed:

  • Jonny Cohen, 16, from Highland Park, Ill, came up with an idea that makes school busses more aerodynamic, thus reengineering mileage and decreasing pollution.
  • Grace Li, 16, from Pearland, TX, co-founded the “We Care Act,” which has given 80 schools funds, supplies, and comfort to young survivors of disasters.
  • Charles Orgbon III, 15, from Hoschton, GA, is the CEO of the nonprofit Greening Forward, an environmental advocacy education group. He’s played a crucial role in getting 6,000 students to recycle 10 tons of waste.

The experiences of these kids tie in really well with my program The Science of Happy. Researchers have determined that happy people incorporate four key components in their lives, or what I call SOAP: being Socially connected, having Optimism in their lives, showing Appreciation, and having a Purpose. No wonder these kids are doing what they are doing. They are living exactly what social scientists say works!

“Turn Passion into Action” is another one of the phrases on GenerationOn’s website, and that’s exactly what these kids have done. For ideas on what you and the youth in your life can do, go to generationon.org—it’s an amazing website with hundreds of ideas.

An Event to Remember

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Words Last a Day, Emotions Last a Lifetime

We humans are emotional beings. At any given moment you are experiencing an emotion—be it sad, lonely, scared, happy, joyful, etc. Why do you think that 25 to 30 million people watch American Idol Every week? Because it’s emotional!

Connecting our emotions to events like conferences or trainings is critical because we remember more of how events make us feel than words spoken.

Start Off Connecting

Here are two examples of kicking off a conference, meeting or event with a strong emotional connection:

  • The first is called “Good News.” Ask participants to share something that is good in their lives; that they appreciate. As the leader, you can model. For example: “I am grateful I am healthy.” Or, “My father is turning ninety this year.”
  • It is amazing how powerful this exercise can be. I’ve had participants say goofy, funny things like, “I just saved money on my car insurance.” (From the TV ad) On the opposite end of the spectrum, a woman shared how grateful she was that her son, who survived a liver transplant when he was 6 months old, was celebrating his 4th birthday. Talk about connecting emotionally! All 700 people froze in a moment of celebration, of gratitude, and most of all the love of a mother. If I brought that group back together years later and asked, “Do you remember ‘Good News’?” Heads would nod. They would remember the emotion.
  • The second exercise is about honoring veterans. Practically speaking, talking about military service connects on an emotional level, because we all know that some soldiers never come home.
  • When I ask about veterans, I usually see stunned faces. Why? Because, rarely is this asked at events. Of the thousands of people I’ve asked nobody has ever complained. However, I have had hundreds of people approach me and say “Thank you,” or “Thank you—my son is serving in the Middle East,” or as a woman in tears said, “My husband, a Vietnam Vet, has never been welcomed home. He would have loved this moment.” This woman will remember this event, because she was connected emotionally.

Be Honest with Emotional Moments

About 14 months after 9-11, I hosted a professional development day for a financial group. As a country we were still emotionally charged. Just before our lunch break, organizers received news that an airliner had crashed in New Jersey.

The organizers asked me, “What should we do? Was it a terrorist act? Could someone in our group know someone on that plane? Should we let them go to lunch and find out on their own, or tell them?” Addressing a crisis or difficult news, immediately and with compassion, allows for a healthier event.

By telling the group, you are keeping the atmosphere honest. Own the emotional moment, right here, right now. Your group will appreciate the honesty and care.

For example, hours before the opening of the 2010 Winter Olympics, a Georgian athlete was killed. The organizers wove that tragedy into the opening ceremony in a way that respected the athlete, his family and rallied the athletes to use his spirit to propel them in their performances. Above all, look how open and honest they were with the magnitude of the emotion of this tragic death. We will remember that event for the emotions and how open and honest the organizers were.

When it comes to emotions, don’t worry about getting it right. Instead, be honest, be genuine and that makes an event to remember.

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